Humour

Secret advantages of running that you’ve never heard before

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The men, over the years, have really gone on to underestimate the advantages of running.

If it is gulping down a pint with our mates on the settee while screaming at the tele on our Football teams that never win anything…

Or watching a Spanish commercial because we are too lazy to get up and change the channels, the advantages of running have just faded away in the background.

However, we have taken it up on ourselves to remind the men all over the world the advantages of running and why it is an important art that we should incorporate in our day to day lives.

So, with that in mind, here are a couple of reasons why we should run everyday:

1: The angry husband conundrum

“But he wasn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow!”

“So, what do I do?”

“What do you mean you idiot? Just jump off the window and run as fast as you can!”

We all have been in this situation before: Happily Ban**ng a married woman when her bast**d husband arrives early and now you have no option but to jump out of the window and run away as fast as you can.

Anyway, consider this; You are an overweight individual who has never trained your legs and now you arrive in this situation.

You jump off the window, sprain your ankles, try to run away, obviously fail to do so and get caught by the angry husband. Now what you get is a repeated kick to the balls which is even worse than it sounds:

We interviewed Tim, who had to undergo the same situation but, fortunately, lived to tell the tale:

“It was brutal,” Tim admits as he shivers uncontrollably while thinking about what happened that day. We provide a blanket and a hot cup of coffee to calm down his nerves before he continues.

“It was the June of last year. I still remember vividly, there I was, bang**g that beautiful woman before her husband stormed in.

“I got off the bed and jumped from the open window, naked, only to get caught by that quick bast**d. And after that, it was just, it was brutal…

“If only I had known about the advantages of running, mate, I would still have my left nut with me!” Tim concludes as them tears run down his cheeks.

We give him a couple of dollars and a cigarette to console him as he walks away.

On the other hand, if you are the angry husband who has walked home to your wife doing it with another man, you would like to catch that Son of a B**ch and put his balls on fire, wouldn’t you?

That’s why the advantages of running are limitless and for everyone.

2: An alternative to unemployment and suicide

Again, there are various advantages of running, you just have to open your eyes and observe what’s happening around you.

For instance, you are an unemployed, lazy bast**d, which you probably are if you are reading this, and you don’t know what the f*ck you want to do, for once in your life, just get the f*ck up and start running.

Forrest Gump did it and got world famous, there are a few other who do the same, win medals and stuff so why can’t you?

The advantages of running also become evident in the following circumstances

– Running from the cops for doing God’s work like selling weeds and stuffs.

– Your girlfriend is alone at her home but you got a flat tire and no money.

(Granted, even a 300 pound overweight nobody would run for his life under such circumstances, but you need to save your breath too, don’t you? And that’s where the advantages of running comes in!)

– To bed a woman who’s into running and health stuff. Again noble work. Good luck.

– When you have 5 minutes before the liquor store closes and you have to run for your life to reach there just in time.

– Running up and down the stairs if you are a Dursley just to annoy the sh*t out of that knob Harry Potter! (Chances are, you need to run every day if you are a Dursley anyway!)

– As movies like “The time traveler’s wife” and “Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure” has proved us, if you’ve a hobby of traveling through time, you got to be a good runner.

-Proven to work during the Zombie apocalypse even against the faster and more athletic modern zombies.

As they say, men are Dogs. Dogs run and so should men!

If you have problems, you should definitely run away from them.

There are always the traditional and boring advantages of running that no one cares about.

We could probably list a lot more secret advantages of running that you never hear from anywhere else. However, we think you’ve got the gist of what we are trying to say here.

From the dawn of time, men have always been good runners and them above reasons are why it is that way.

So, get off your couch and get out in the open ya lazy bast**ds!

Visit our website Number of Things for more content.

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